Understanding the hidden 'mental load' mothers carry every single day

Mother's Day will be celebrated this year today (10 May). While the occasion is often associated with appreciation and gratitude, much of motherhood remains unseen. Beyond daily physical responsibilities like feeding, bathing, and managing routines lies a deeper layer of emotional and cognitive work involved in running a household.

This is often referred to as the "mental load", an invisible responsibility that continues even when physical tasks pause. It includes planning, remembering, organising and constantly anticipating the needs of the family.

Understanding the concept of mental load
In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Prakriti Saxena Poddar, Clinically Trained Mental Health and Wellbeing Expert and Global Head at Roundglass, explains the concept of mental load and how it goes far beyond everyday multitasking or routine to-do lists.

"The mental load is not just to-do lists or multi-tasking. It is the never-ending process of tracking needs, planning logistics, and managing emotional environments," she explains.

She adds that on any given day, mothers are juggling multiple invisible responsibilities at once. "Mothers are simultaneously remembering vaccination schedules, planning meals based on family preferences, and anticipating a child's emotional reactions," she notes, highlighting the constant background processing involved in caregiving.

According to her, research in cognitive psychology shows that this continuous mental engagement creates strain, as the brain rarely gets true recovery time. Unlike physical work, which has clearer endpoints, mental load is ongoing and cyclical.

Hidden psychological impact of constant alertness
One of the most challenging aspects of mental load is the inability to mentally switch off. Poddar explains that this constant alertness can take a serious toll on well-being.

"The mind keeps scanning, planning, anticipating and working out possibilities even while at rest," she says, adding that this state is linked to increased stress, disrupted sleep and emotional fatigue.

She also points out that many studies associate unequal distribution of mental load with burnout and lower life satisfaction among mothers. Because this work is largely invisible, it often goes unrecognised, even by those experiencing it.

Poddar highlights that the pressure of motherhood has increased in recent years due to expanding social expectations. "Mothers are expected to be physically fit, emotionally available, socially active and professionally successful," she observes.

With social media amplifying idealised versions of family life, many mothers feel constant pressure to keep up. "As these demands compete for limited emotional resources, overload becomes inevitable," she explains, noting how even small pockets of personal time can feel out of reach.

Why mental load remains invisible and uneven
Despite growing conversations around shared parenting, mental load still disproportionately falls on women. Poddar explains that this is often because such responsibilities are harder to define and delegate.

She explains the idea of cognitive ownership, where even if tasks are shared, the responsibility of planning remains with one person. For example, while a partner may help with grocery shopping, tracking what is needed and when often remains an invisible mental task handled by mothers.

Poddar stresses that addressing mental load is not about doing less, but about sharing responsibility more equally. She suggests making invisible work visible within families. "It is important to recognise that preparation, anticipation and emotional care are also forms of labour," she says.

She also recommends dividing responsibilities by ownership rather than task-sharing. For example, one partner managing school-related duties while another handles household logistics can reduce constant mental tracking.

From a clinical perspective, she adds that cognitive offloading tools like shared calendars and written reminders can significantly reduce mental strain.

Importance of being seen
Poddar emphasises the need to move away from the idea of perfect motherhood. "Seeking support should not be seen as failure, but as a necessary part of caregiving," she says. When mental load is acknowledged and shared, she notes, both maternal well-being and family harmony improve.

She concludes by emphasising that much of maternal exhaustion comes from carrying invisible responsibilities. "The exhaustion many mothers feel today is the result of a mind carrying far more than anyone sees," she says.

This Mother's Day, she suggests, the most meaningful gift is awareness and shared responsibility, recognising and distributing the invisible work that mothers carry every day.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.